How Sex is Like Pizza: Part Three

This post is part of a three part series, be sure to check out the other two segments:
How Sex is Like Pizza: Part One
How Sex is Like Pizza: Part Two

Whether you are sharing a pizza with someone, or sharing sex with someone, a conversation needs to occur. Everyone needs to be on the same page.

If you are sharing a pizza and you like pepperoni with pineapple, but they likes pepperoni with mushrooms, then you have to talk about it and compromise.
Should you get a pizza with only pepperoni? Should you get half pepperoni with pineapple, half pepperoni with mushrooms? Should you get pepperoni, pineapple, and mushroom? Are you willing to try pepperoni with mushrooms? Are they willing to try pepperoni with pineapple? What happens if one of you tries it and doesn’t like it?
There is no way of knowing without a conversation.

If you are sharing sex and you like to tickle, but they like bite, then you have to talk about it and compromise.
Are they ok with being tickled? Are you ok with being bitten? Should you refrain from kink? Should you both indulge in your kinks? What happens if you try something and one of you doesn’t like it?
There is no way of knowing without a conversation.

You can’t make assumptions about the person you are sharing with.
You could order a pizza topping that they are deathly allergic to.
You could do something sexual that is traumatic or upsetting for them.
Having a conversation, discussing what each other wants and compromising on things is the safest and most respectful thing you should do beforehand.

Making assumptions could ruin everything and result in unpleasantness for all involved.
A little communication can ensure that everyone – you and them – have a good time.

Being a Good Guy isn’t Enough

i’ve already talked about how, if you have to tell someone that you’re a “good guy,” then you probably aren’t as good of a guy as you think you are.

But what if you genuinely are a good guy?

What if you are a real good guy and she still won’t go on a date with you?
What if you are a real good guy and she still won’t submit to you?
What if you are a real good guy and she still won’t have sex with you?

Well, thats because being a good guy isn’t enough.

If you really are a good guy, then you already know that she doesn’t owe you anything.
And maybe you feel bummed out, like the good guys always finish last.

That sucks. i feel bad for you.

But it doesn’t change the fact that being a good guy isn’t enough.

There should be mutual physical attraction.
Common interests both sexual and outside of sex.
Similar relationship goals.

Just because you’re a good guy doesn’t mean that she finds you physically attractive.
Just because you’re a good guy doesn’t mean that you have common interests.
Just because you’re a good guy doesn’t mean you want the same type of relationship as she does.

Being a good guy isn’t enough.

And all of this is assuming that she is in a good place and she wants to date right now!
Being a good guy won’t be enough to make her want to date you if she’s taking a break from men.
Being a good guy won’t be enough to make her want to date you if she’s feeling vulnerable and doesn’t want to be pursued.
Being a good guy won’t be enough to make her want to date you if she is busy with work or school or family and doesn’t feel she has the time for relationships right now.

If you’re truly a good guy, you’ll respect her when she says, “no.”

You don’t have to be happy about it.
But you do have to respect her. Otherwise, you’re not really a good guy.
You just [wrongly] think you are.

Why Prostitution Should be Legal

* Disclaimer: i am not a prostitute. If you offer me money for sex, i will say “no.”
This post was written from the perspective of a sex-positive feminist, not a prostitute. *

In America (outside of Nevada), prostitution is illegal.

This means that those who want to take part in the exchange of money for sex are at risk of legal ramifications if they try to do so.
But it still happens.
And because its illegal, it happens in the shadows, in dangerous ways.

 

For the prostitutes, having a profession that is illegal means…

• less say over who their clients are, with low-end prostitutes working on street corners and high-end prostitutes taking strangers off recommendations
• more hoops to jump through for adequate medical care (STI testing, pregnancy prevention, etc..)
• less safety if they come forward about being raped or abused, just for reporting a violent crime they risk being arrested themselves
• more risks of others (pimps) forcing them to work in unsafe conditions

 

For the clients, taking part in illegal prostitution means…

• higher risk of contracting an STI
• risk of being arrested, ruining their social and professional lives
• higher risk of being mugged by a prostitute or their pimp
• risk of being blackmailed by a prostitute or their pimp

 

If prostitution was legalized, a great many good things would happen:

• We could protect those who choose to be prostitutes from unsafe clients.
• We could make it easier for prostitutes to have access to necessary medical care (which benefits society as a whole because it would mean less unwanted pregnancies and lessening the spread of STIs).
• We could regulate prostitution in such a way that we could weed out pimps and help prevent people being forced into prostitution against their will.
• We would have no one arrested for prostitution, which means less people clogging up  our prisons, less strain on our judicial system.
• We could tax prostitution and the money made from it could boost our economy, much the same way cigarette and alcohol sales benefit our state infrastructure.

i think the biggest and best benefit of legalizing prostitution would have to be the normalization of sex as a human need.

Human beings are sexual beings. Not everyone wants to (or can) have a healthy, sexual relationship. Prostitution should be a way for otherwise lonely people to have a deep-seeded human need met. But because of its stigma as an illegal activity, the people who would most benefit from it would have to put themselves in harms way to do so.

Much the same way prohibition lead to rampant organized crime, and legalizing alcohol has benefited our society as a whole (financially and otherwise), demonizing prostitutes and their clients can only hurt us, while legalizing prostitution has the potential to improve lives.

 

i have always felt that prostitution should be legalized. my opinion was solidified when i lived overseas for three years, in a country where prostitution is legal, and i saw first hand the many benefits of it.

How Sex is Like Pizza: Part Two

This post is part of a three part series, be sure to check out the other two segments:
How Sex is Like Pizza: Part One
How Sex is Like Pizza: Part Three

When it comes to sex, some people like a wide variety of sexual activities whereas other people only like a few specific ones.

When it comes to pizza, some people like a wide variety of toppings whereas other people only like a few specific ones.

There is nothing wrong with liking a wide variety of sexual activities.
There is nothing wrong with only liking a few specific ones.

There is nothing wrong with liking a wide variety of pizza toppings.
There is nothing wrong with only liking a few specific ones.

Sometimes our likes change or grow.
Sometimes they don’t.

In any case, people have a right to like whatever they want to like, in whatever (large or small) varieties they want to like it. And. People have a right to change their mind, or not change their mind, about what they like.

i have a friend who enjoys knife play during sex. i don’t enjoy knife play. There is nothing wrong with her for enjoying it. There is nothing wrong with me for not enjoying it.

i have a friend who hates giving blow jobs. i love giving blow jobs. There is nothing wrong with her for hating it. There is nothing wrong with me for enjoying it.

i have a friend who enjoys deep dish pizza. i don’t enjoy deep dish pizza. There is nothing wrong with her for enjoying it. There is nothing wrong with me for not enjoying it.

i have a friend who hates bbq chicken pizza. i love bbq chicken pizza. There is nothing wrong with her for hating it. There is nothing wrong with me for enjoying it.

Different people like different things. And that is ok.

Tinder Tuesday – August 23rd 2016

Questions about Tinder Tuesday? Check out the Tinder Tuesday F.A.Q.
Want Tinder tips? Check out How Not to be a Tinder FAIL

Meme Monday – August 22nd 2016

Questions about Meme Monday? Check out the Meme Monday F.A.Q.

Porn and Sex Crimes

One of the most common myths about pornography is that the actresses enjoy their work. That porn stars are all consenting adults. That they wouldn’t do it if they didn’t want to.

Another common myth is that pornography gives men a healthy outlet so that they won’t rape women. This myth is often supported by the fact that reports of rape in the US have decreased in the last 20 years, during the same time frame that porn has become easier to obtain.

The truth of the matter is that porn and sex crimes are largely linked.

While reports of individual rape have decreased, human trafficking has nearly tripled.

The vast majority of the American women and children who have been trafficked are drugged, beaten, black mailed, and otherwise forced into making porn.

If you are an avid porn viewer, it is highly unlikely that you haven’t touched yourself while watching a woman who was kidnapped and forced to preform.

Thanks to editing, cutting, lighting, make up, etc.. you have no way of knowing who wants to be there and who doesn’t.

There are women who choose to make porn. Women who go into it willingly and consent to have sex on camera.

Often though these women are lied to and manipulated. They sign contracts stating what they will and won’t do, but then they are pressured into breaking those contracts on set. Agents frequently tell actresses to do as they are told otherwise they’ll never work in this town again. Cliche words that hold weight for a woman who feels helpless to control her own career. Many porn stars are pushed to do more and more painful or degrading acts, then offered illegal drugs to help them cope with the physical and emotional aftermath.

More than once we have had porn stars lie during interviews, they lie to themselves as much as they lie to us. Claiming its a good job. Claiming they enjoy their work.

But if we look at unedited footage from a porn shoot, we may see that same actress crying on set. Curled up in the fetal position. Flinching when touched. Being yelled at to smile bigger. Being berated for her tit size.

To view porn is to support the sex crime industry.

So You Think You’re a “Good Guy?”

Here’s the thing, if you have to tell someone that you’re a “good guy,” then you’re probably not as good of a guy as you think you are.

For example, if you ask a girl on a date and she says, “no thanks.”
A good guy says, “ok,” and he respects her choice to say no.
You’re not a good guy if you try to talk her into a date, after she has already said no, by telling her what a good guy you are.

Another example, if you take a girl out on a date and she says “thanks for the date but i don’t want to see you again.”
A good guys says, “ok,” and he respects her choice to not see him again.
You’re not a good guy if you try to talk her into seeing you again by telling her what a good guy you are.

Final example, if you ask a girl to have sex with you and she says, “i’d rather not.”
A good guy says, “ok,” and he respects her choice to not have his penis enter her vagina.
You’re not a good guy if you try and pressure her into having sex, after she has already said no, by telling her what a good guy you are.

i hear this from guys all. the. time.
And it is so annoying.

If you have to tell me that you’re a “good guy,” then you’re probably not as good of a guy as you think you are!

Good guys, real good guys, don’t go around announcing that they are good guys.
They just are good.
People know they are good guys because they talk and behave in a way that is good.

They don’t have to tell anyone they are a good guy because people can see it for themselves!

Fake good guys, the wanna be good guys, may have some good qualities, but at the end of the day they lack the fundamental respect for fellow human beings (and yes, females are human beings too!) that constitutes being a real good guy.

How Sex is Like Pizza: Part One

This post is part of a three part series, be sure to check out the other two segments:
How Sex is Like Pizza: Part Two
How Sex is Like Pizza: Part Three

When you like sex, you like sex. Thats it, thats all there is to it.
Someone who really likes sex, likes it in all its various qualities.

The same could be said of pizza.
Someone who really likes pizza, likes it in all its various qualities.

The lazy quickie with no foreplay is like a frozen pizza that you throw in the oven because you know it will be quick and easy and delicious.

The impromptu play session involving just a couple toys that you keep handy is like a delivery pizza in that it takes a little longer but you know it will be worth it because its even more delicious than the frozen pizza.

The elaborate seduction and intense play scenes are like a gourmet pizza at a 5 star restaurant because they take the most time and effort, but they are also the highest quality and therefore the most delicious.

All qualities are good. All qualities are fun. All qualities are delicious.
They are merely varying degrees of delicious.

All qualities of pizza are good, some are just better than others.
All qualities of sex are good, some are just better than others.

Tinder Tuesday – August 16th 2016

Questions about Tinder Tuesday? Check out the Tinder Tuesday F.A.Q.
Want Tinder tips? Check out How Not to be a Tinder FAIL