So You Want to be Poly?

i have received a number of Tinder messages from men who wonder about the same thing:

“my girlfriend/wife’s sex drive is a fraction of my own, can Poly help me meet my sexual needs?”

Short answer:

No. You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Long answer:

Polyamory is deeply rooted in honesty and communication. It is NOT Poly if your girlfriend/wife doesn’t know you’re sleeping with other women. That’s called cheating. Don’t try taint a beautiful lifestyle with your horndogness. It is also NOT Poly if you have to coerce your girlfriend/wife into agreeing to open your relationship up to other people. If she isn’t just as excited about it as you are then you’re doing it wrong and it will blow up in your face.

Polyamory involves sustaining multiple relationships with multiple people, which requires a higher level of communication than is necessary to sustain a typical monogamous relationship. If you get frustrated or annoyed by talking about your relationship with your monogamous partner then you are NOT going to be able to handle juggling multiple relationships, and all the communication and attention that each individual partner will need. Only a douche canoe takes on more women than he can satisfy- and I don’t mean that in a sexual sense. Female satisfaction is deeply rooted in mental stimulation and emotional support, both of which tie into my above point: communication.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in Polyamory is starting a Poly relationship for the wrong reasons. The wrong reasons being relationship problems of any type. YOU WILL NOT FIX YOUR MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP BY ADDING MORE PEOPLE TO IT. All you do when you open up a bad relationship is increase the pain and multiply the number of people who are hurt by it. Before you start a Poly relationship, you must be at the very least content with your partner, though I think its better to be thrilled with them as a starting point.